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  • pamz27

Tomorrow is April Fool's Day

Updated: Dec 23, 2020

My wife and kids moved out of our home on April 1, 2017. The night before was one of the worst nights of my life.

I feel like I am sitting in my house waiting for my death tomorrow

It is a very odd feeling knowing you are going to die

What do you do with your final moments

I took the kids out to dinner

We had fun

They asked if we’d always be a family

Of course, I said yes

They asked if me and mama would always be a family

I said yes

I made the most solemn of promises, I swore til death do us part

So, I am right to believe tomorrow I will die

What else is there to do?

How do you go to sleep the night before your death?

It seems like a waste of time.

Do something more useful tonight

Do something someone will remember

I do not know what that is

I feel like an empty vessel

But at the same time, I have emotions I cannot control

I close my eyes and it feels like I am in ocean – my body is being thrashed by the waves

I go under water for long moments and have no fear

I do not know what direction is up nor what direction down

I am not scared

I have no fear

I am awaiting destiny

I open my eyes and it feels like I am flying high in the sky

I can see the city scape below me

But I recognize nothing

I have no home to see

No familiar places like parks, or schools

I am a visitor to my own hometown

Nobody sees me and nobody knows I am here

It makes it so much easier to die when you already are part of the wind and not the landscape itself

Again, I am not scared

I may be at peace for the very first time

Nobody misses me

Nobody wonders where I am

I am a pleasant picture on the bookcase.

A memory that was, not important nor inconsequential, just a soul that passed by for a brief time and accomplished too little to be missed and too much to be forgotten.

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