After a year of living in depression by myself - I finally accepted help when my cousin reached out and called me on my own responsibility to heal. For her love, I will always be grateful - she may have saved my life.
I laid in bed for over a year
All I had was fear
I could not work
I was just a jerk
When people tried to help
I was not open
I thought it was a phase
All I needed was a few more days
I know that times where getting bad
When all I wanted was to be mad
Help looked like hurt
Hurt created pain
Pain is where I wanted to remain
I stopped being a mom
I feared going outside
All I wanted to do was hide
I found some relief
In my favorite gummy bears
But they did not wipe away the fears
I crawled inside of my head
I wanted to be dead
Finally, the intervention came
And I had a chance to not be the same
I took the hand
That reached out and
Asked to hold my pain
The help that asked me not to be the same
It meant rewriting my story
Without any glory
Just the cold hard facts
That always made me retract
My cousin step forward
To say I’m here to help
I will listen I will care
But you must want to bare
Witness to your life
And all of its strife
I was afraid to admit how deep in a hole I had climbed
But the intervention was welled timed
If I wanted to live
I had to choose life
I had to choose my kids
I had to go quietly into that good night
To start the fight
Of my life
For my life
Walking into the unknown
Was the scariest thing I had ever done
I felt all alone
But the path had begun
There was help out there for me
I just had to agree
To open my soul
To learn to become whole
The process was about reintegration
Of feelings
Thoughts
Behaviors
Actions
That I let control me for too long
I needed to be strong
So I walked into that good night
To fight
For my life
To take it back from the demons
That crowded my mind
To see what I could find
I saw the terrible rumble that was mine to own
I had to accept a new process
To make me whole
To rebuild my soul