• pamz27

The baby I could not make

Updated: Mar 19





Every little girl I knew

Dreamt of one day being a mom

Being in love

And having a baby blessed from above


I knew my path to motherhood

Would be different from the beginning

I married woman

We had to have a plan

So the work began


I really wanted to carry a baby

Feel the movement of life

Bring to this world

Someone who was part of me

To prove I was worthy

To make a decree


For six months I tried

With shots everyday

To make more eggs

So the chances increased

That one would be good

All the pain I withstood


But that didn’t work

So we moved on to path number 2

IVF was now our hope

That we could make a baby in the lab

Put it inside of me

And let in grow free


But five tries of that

18 months of sadness

Yielded nothing more

Than 3 miscarriages

So much sadness

I was going mad

Why wouldn’t my body hold a baby

There was no maybe


So I sat a cried

Believed I was not worthy

Of creating

Believed I had nothing good

To share

My soul laid bare


With each lost chance

I was in a trance

For a day, a week, a month

There was no consoling

A soul

Who believed she was no good

No good to bring life into this world

No good to be a mom

No good to pass on what was inside of me

I broke apart

Silent, alone

A raging cyclone

It is my legacy to bare

That I could not create

A son or daughter who had my trait


I live with that pain

Everyday

As I watch the world go bye

A see belly’s grow

All around

Knowing that what’s inside of them

I will never know

How to grow

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