Every little girl I knew
Dreamt of one day being a mom
Being in love
And having a baby blessed from above
I knew my path to motherhood
Would be different from the beginning
I married woman
We had to have a plan
So the work began
I really wanted to carry a baby
Feel the movement of life
Bring to this world
Someone who was part of me
To prove I was worthy
To make a decree
For six months I tried
With shots everyday
To make more eggs
So the chances increased
That one would be good
All the pain I withstood
But that didn’t work
So we moved on to path number 2
IVF was now our hope
That we could make a baby in the lab
Put it inside of me
And let in grow free
But five tries of that
18 months of sadness
Yielded nothing more
Than 3 miscarriages
So much sadness
I was going mad
Why wouldn’t my body hold a baby
There was no maybe
So I sat a cried
Believed I was not worthy
Of creating
Believed I had nothing good
To share
My soul laid bare
With each lost chance
I was in a trance
For a day, a week, a month
There was no consoling
A soul
Who believed she was no good
No good to bring life into this world
No good to be a mom
No good to pass on what was inside of me
I broke apart
Silent, alone
A raging cyclone
It is my legacy to bare
That I could not create
A son or daughter who had my trait
I live with that pain
Everyday
As I watch the world go bye
A see belly’s grow
All around
Knowing that what’s inside of them
I will never know
How to grow
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