Ode to my parents

At every step I failed you

I failed the vision you had of me

I tried so hard to be the best daughter I could be

But when I am compared to him

I look lost and incomplete

I could never compete

In high school I tried to express myself

To stand on my own

The failure here was how I dressed

I always looked like a mess

To you

I was just trying to be true

To me

The first time I knew you hated me

Was in Amsterdam

During my junior year abroad

When you came to tour with me

And I could do nothing right

We would just fight

Mom you had just healed form cancer

A battle you fought so brave

But in a fight you told me

You had two cancers

And I was one of them

I will never forget that feeling

Like being lost a sea

A daughter who wanted to flee

The feeling I was bad

From the core to the outside

I could not hide

My mom thought I was her cancer

How could that be the answer

When I finally found love

You turned you back

And refused to see

The happy inside of me

You did not talk to me for years

You could not embrace my life

I embarrassed you for who I loved

So you just pushed and shoved

Me away

When I reached out

To say let's try again

With me and Jen

You met us for dinner

And told me your truth

Kids were not worth the struggle

If you had to do it all again

You would remain a pair

And not have me and Jeff

I left you feeling deaf

I could not believe

You hated me so

So much to tell me to go

When I wanted to marry

The love of my life

To take a wife

You stayed away

And asked family not to come

You felt me feeling numb

On my wedding day

I waited and waited for you to show

I looked behind every tree

But it was not to be

I would start one family and lose my first

I felt cursed

I could not tell you we wanted kids

The mean things you would have said

Was too much to bare

We embarked on starting a family in the quiet

Of our own home

There was no Shalom

When years of struggle

Yielded no success

We decided to adopt

You told me that was a bad choice

You gave me no rejoice

But Eli came

And on that day

It's as if the clouds parted

And you saw me a new

You opened your heart

And let us all in

It as a win

Today I know you love me, and Eli and Owen

I try to wash the past aside

And live for today

I love you very much

I just wish I could have always made you proud

Of me

Accepted me for who I am

Your loving daughter Pam