At every step I failed you
I failed the vision you had of me
I tried so hard to be the best daughter I could be
But when I am compared to him
I look lost and incomplete
I could never compete
In high school I tried to express myself
To stand on my own
The failure here was how I dressed
I always looked like a mess
To you
I was just trying to be true
To me
The first time I knew you hated me
Was in Amsterdam
During my junior year abroad
When you came to tour with me
And I could do nothing right
We would just fight
Mom you had just healed form cancer
A battle you fought so brave
But in a fight you told me
You had two cancers
And I was one of them
I will never forget that feeling
Like being lost a sea
A daughter who wanted to flee
The feeling I was bad
From the core to the outside
I could not hide
My mom thought I was her cancer
How could that be the answer
When I finally found love
You turned you back
And refused to see
The happy inside of me
You did not talk to me for years
You could not embrace my life
I embarrassed you for who I loved
So you just pushed and shoved
Me away
When I reached out
To say let's try again
With me and Jen
You met us for dinner
And told me your truth
Kids were not worth the struggle
If you had to do it all again
You would remain a pair
And not have me and Jeff
I left you feeling deaf
I could not believe
You hated me so
So much to tell me to go
When I wanted to marry
The love of my life
To take a wife
You stayed away
And asked family not to come
You felt me feeling numb
On my wedding day
I waited and waited for you to show
I looked behind every tree
But it was not to be
I would start one family and lose my first
I felt cursed
I could not tell you we wanted kids
The mean things you would have said
Was too much to bare
We embarked on starting a family in the quiet
Of our own home
There was no Shalom
When years of struggle
Yielded no success
We decided to adopt
You told me that was a bad choice
You gave me no rejoice
But Eli came
And on that day
And you saw me a new
You opened your heart
And let us all in
It as a win
Today I know you love me, and Eli and Owen
I try to wash the past aside
And live for today
I love you very much
I just wish I could have always made you proud
Of me
Accepted me for who I am
Your loving daughter Pam