• pamz27

A journey to color

Updated: Dec 23, 2020

While at the in-patient depression treatment center I had to do a project. Write 50 mantras (my hopes, gratitude's, life goals, skills I would use to survive, reason to live) and roll them into mantra beads. Then place them in a setting that meant something to me - that something was my home - full of color to raise my boys in an environment where they always felt love and loved.




I´ve had so many Mantras

Over the past few years

Each trying and fend off the fears


The first one is printed on my wrist

I hoped it would be my first and final list

Peace, love, happiness

But before the ink was dry

Love fell away and all I did was cry


I tried to hold onto the belief

That inner peace and happiness could survive

That I could feel alive

But when the middle crashes in

The ends cannot win


I picked up the pieces

Placed bracelets around my wrists

With new Mantras

Believe

Live Love Laugh

I tried to cut the pain in half


I hung Mantas in my home

Give back

Live large

No one wins until everyone wins

Large wood black and white

Signs that told me to keep up the fight


I tried again

This time in code

So no one would know

Be brave

Have courage

Written dot, dot, line

I still have nothing to show

I still hang my head low


My next attempt

Was a disk around my neck

I wear Find Your Freedom

I tried walking paths through an arboretum

But nothing has worked

So I am returning to my roots

I am jumping in with all my heart

To find a new start


I turned to color as my new platform

Color to mask the gray and the tears

50 small beads of color

Mantras embedded with

skills, hope, gratitude, life goals

50 small beads of color

I am trying to fight to recover


I dream of a house filled with love

Filled with hope

Filled with color

I want to be the very best mother

To learn again to want a lover

To see the sun

To have some fun

I use color to cover the gray

Color to signify a brand new day


My sons deserve light

I want their home to be bright

The color helps to make it ok

To say what you feel

To say what you say

To be who you are

You will always know you are loved

No conditions

No fictions

I will honor your ambitions

I want a big, beautiful, bold table

At the center of my home

Family dinners will abound

Friends that are family will sit around

Game Nights

Conversations

Laughter

Crying

Love

The stain of food

The smell of wine

The hope of tomorrow

To wipe away past sorrow


After a long time

I´ve come to understand

You must learn to feel

Before you can heal


So It´s time

To color outside of the lines

It´s time

To make my own bold designs

It's time

To put the past behind

It's time

To learn to be kind

To me

To me

To me

To set myself free


May the bright beads

Light the way with color

For me, my sons, for others


34 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All