Growing roots of depression

After a year of living in depression by myself - I finally accepted help when my cousin reached out and called me on my own responsibility to heal. For her love, I will always be grateful - she may have saved my life.

I laid in bed for over a year

All I had was fear

I could not work

I was just a jerk

When people tried to help

I was not open

I thought it was a phase

All I needed was a few more days

I know that times where getting bad

When all I wanted was to be mad

Help looked like hurt

Hurt created pain

Pain is where I wanted to remain

I stopped being a mom

I feared going outside

All I wanted to do was hide

I found some relief

In my favorite gummy bears

But they did not wipe away the fears

I crawled inside of my head

I wanted to be dead

Finally, the intervention came

And I had a chance to not be the same

I took the hand

That reached out and

Asked to hold my pain

The help that asked me not to be the same

It meant rewriting my story

Without any glory

Just the cold hard facts

That always made me retract

My cousin step forward

To say I’m here to help

I will listen I will care

But you must want to bare

Witness to your life

And all of its strife

I was afraid to admit how deep in a hole I had climbed

But the intervention was welled timed

If I wanted to live

I had to choose life

I had to choose my kids

I had to go quietly into that good night

To start the fight

Of my life

For my life

Walking into the unknown

Was the scariest thing I had ever done

I felt all alone

But the path had begun

There was help out there for me

I just had to agree

To open my soul

To learn to become whole

The process was about reintegration

Of feelings

Thoughts

Behaviors

Actions

That I let control me for too long

I needed to be strong

So I walked into that good night

To fight

For my life

To take it back from the demons

That crowded my mind

To see what I could find

I saw the terrible rumble that was mine to own

I had to accept a new process

To make me whole

To rebuild my soul